Originally posted on Monday, July 12, 2010 at 12:35pm
Divorce is an ugly business. Doesn't matter who you are, where you are, how many years, how many kids... it's just plain ole ugly. It's an emotional roller coaster that costs a boatload of money. Any situation wherein you state, "I don't love you any more. I'm not even particularly sure I like you any more. And I want half of everything you have... at least"... well. That's ugly.
I know of two divorces going on right now that are uglier than most. Those that know me best know who is going through the second one. The first one is mine.
As of right now, my divorce has been going on for eight grueling months. My marriage lasted for just over 11 years. I'm not going to say how many of those 11 years were happy ones. Those, again, that know me best know that number.
No matter what my feelings are about my soon-to-be ex -- I got two amazing, wonderful, fantastic, adorable, smart, polite, articulate... (oh, I could go on) kids out of the deal. They are my reason for being and I am doing my damnedest to do right by them. Part of doing right by them was leaving their father. And I left him after being advised by counsel that it was in mine and my children's best interest to do so. See? That's one of those tricky little details that get missed in all the gossip.
I use Facebook as my own personal blog of sorts. All of the minutiae of my life gets put out there. It can be boring, entertaining, amusing, or heartbreaking on any given day. That's life. Some of my friends have commented that the "snarky" Andrea of old has been missing on FB as of late. We'll get to that in a minute...
A lot of the details of my divorce are sad, and dark, and private. Airing one's dirty laundry is never fun. Having your dirty laundry aired for you is even worse. And, while the high road is the best road to travel, sometimes it sucks in that your story isn't told.
I'd like to note... my divorce is being held in the family court of Wright County Minnesota. Not the court of public opinion. For the people who get off on the salacious details of mine or any other divorce I have one thing to say to you... get a life. There are three sides to every story, and only one of them is the truth. And just because one party is saying theirs louder and more often doesn't make them more right.
Now, back to Facebook. According to the Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 81% of them have used, or had used against them, content found on Facebook and other social networking sites. 81%. Apparently, my status updates can and have been used against me in a court of law. Thus, Snarky Andrea -- MIA.
Sarcasm doesn't always play well in court.
However, I feel it's important to point out something to some people. Asking friends of your ex to take screen shots of their Facebook page in the hopes of garnering something that can be used against them is sad, twisted, and wrong. And, good luck with that.
Most states are "no-fault" these days which means exactly what it says. It is no one's fault that a divorce is happening. And the courts don't care who I'm dating, what I'm doing in my free time, and what I'm spending my money on. So long as I am upholding my responsibilities and taking care of my kids... they don't care. So if I put that I'm having a glass of wine with dinner... don't rush to screen shot that and send it to my ex. I'm over 21... and no one cares. And, if they did, all that time you spend on Farmville and Treasure Island when you're supposed to be spending time with the kids could be used against you too.
Now, should a photo be taken of me passed out in a pool of my own vomit, surrounded by empty vodka and prescription bottles, a sharpie mustache drawn on my face, naked, hookers doing lines next to me, with child pornography being shown on the computer screen behind me and bestiality porn on the TV? Yes. By all means. Send that to the judge.
Unfortunately, since I'm not Lindsay Lohan, I don't see that happening anytime soon.