A Tale of Two Pictures (and Five Years)

Today is Quinn’s 14^th birthday. It’s pretty fabulous for a lot of reasons, not the least of which being; I have managed to raise a child to teenagehood.  And he’s a pretty great kid at that.

But as I have manically bought presents, arranged entertainment, organized cupcakes and lunch to be delivered to him at school... I have reflected on the birthdays past.

It started when my BFF posted this:  We still speak of the most epic birthday bash ever. Happiest birthday wishes & the biggest hugs & most love ever to our little Quinny.

She is speaking, of course, about Quinnapalooza.  When Quinn was eight, he entered an essay contest for Nickelodeon Universe’s Ultimate Birthday Party. You can read about it here: Quinnapalooza

Part of me still can’t believe he won. Out of 1,500 applicants, they chose him. I remember asking Nickelodeon’s head of marketing why they chose Quinn. I figured they had to have gotten essays from kids who were dying from some horrible disease, or kids who had never had a birthday party because their families were poor. Why Quinn?  Her answer?

Because he didn’t want to win it for him. He wanted to win it for all the kids he never got to invite to his other birthday parties.

Partying with 99 Friends

Quinn was the King of Third Grade for three whole months and then we moved to Michigan. Things got pretty bumpy there for a while.  He went from having an amazing group of friends and protectors to having, well, no one really.

When Quinn started 7^th grade, there was a day when he sat down at a lunch table, and everyone got up and left. One girl who he had known from his previous elementary school saw him, and she left her table of friends and sat with him, so he didn’t have to eat his lunch alone. I remember him telling me that story and my heart breaking into a million pieces. 7^th grade was hard for both mother and son.

This year, things are so different. Quinn has friends. Good friends. Friends he made all on his own. He even has a best friend, Ryon, who we want to adopt, we like him so much. So, for Quinn’s birthday, we brought in Jimmy John’s and cupcakes to surprise his friends.

King for the day

It’s hard to explain – the moms who have gone through this heartbreak will get it, and the moms who haven’t, won’t – but my heart swelled when I saw Quinn sitting at a table with a group of kids who had no idea treats were coming their way. They were there because they’re friends, and they eat together. I wanted to hug each one of them.

And then... the girl who had sat with Quinn when he was alone last year came up and said, “Wow! You have the coolest parents EVER!” And Quinn offered her a sandwich and a cupcake and I had to leave before I started to cry and embarrass the crap out of my 14 year old son.

Here’s to being King again, if only for today.

Win With Quinn!

Not quite one year ago, I had to finally make the decision to get Quinn evaluated, assessed, and the thing I had avoided for nearly 10 years of school – labeled – with Autism Spectrum Disorder.  I’ve known since Quinn was but a wee lad he was a little “spectrumy” but, through tireless work with him on “social stories” (appropriate responses in social situations such as eye contact, body language, and communication), a wonderful school system in Minnesota which was willing to accommodate “Quinn’s Quirks”, and the benefit of very small classrooms once I moved him to the parochial school in Michigan – we never needed to go down that route. Not until his first year of middle school in the public school system.

As most adults will tell you, middle school is brutal. For a child who doesn’t understand the social nuances of a bunch of angsty teenagers, it’s even more so. At this time last year, Quinn was lonely, depressed, and borderline suicidal. Things were not going well and everything came to head in January of this year.

Not one to watch my precious, perfect-in-his-own-way, adorable son get beaten down by the ugliness that is middle school, I went into protective mode: we hooked Quinn into a fabulous church youth program run by a youth pastor with whom Quinn almost immediately formed a bond; we started meeting more often with his therapist; and I went to the school to get Quinn the accommodations he needs formalized and documented. He had three amazing teacher advocates – educators who took the time to get to know my kid, understand him, and connect with him (we love you, KC, RC, and KF-N!)

Almost immediately, things began to change. Quinn met some new people and started making friends – on his own! Trust me, for a child with ASD this is a huge development. He perked up, started communicating more, and became more positive. He matured in a huge way.

Fast forward to this school year.  Quinn successfully navigated 8th grade camp, his “friend circle” has grown to include so many people I have a hard time keeping track of all the names. Most importantly, Quinn has cultivated these friendships entirely on his own. It’s been an amazing journey.

This month, Quinn decided to run for student council. He had talked about it last year, but chickened out at the last minute, likely due to his low self-esteem and anxiety over his “new kid” status. We made up funny posters, hung them up all around the school, and he seemed pleased people liked his posters. We had several discussions over things like voting (“don’t forget to vote for yourself”), his platform (a buddy system for new kids), and the importance of school politics (“it looks great on a college application”).

When his funny posters got defaced with mustaches (kids!!), it was his sister who was steamed up about it. For him, it was water off a duck’s back. No big.

Today, Quinn handed out fun size candy bars (“Pick the Fun(size) Candidate & Win With Quinn!”) to his classmates. For a child with Asperger’s - that’s kind of a daunting task and he never thought he’d hand it all out – but by sixth hour it was gone. Kids were even wearing the removable stickers and saying “Win with Quinn!” in the hallways. He was beaming when I picked him up after school.

As we headed home, I started prepping him, “You know, it’s okay if you don’t win. There’s nothing to be upset about.”

“Mom! I know! And I am totally okay with it. Did I tell you kids were saying ‘Win with Quinn’ in the hallway? They came up and said they’d vote me! How cool is that?!?”

Dude. It is pretty cool indeed. No matter what the tally is, this was definitely a win for Quinn. I am proud every day to be this kid's mom.